Another volunteer recently made an observation that I’m a creature of habit. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, how true that is and a little shocked I didn’t realize it before. It’s a small revelation, maybe, but one I’ve realized makes a big impact on my daily decisions and relationships. How I present myself and who I am to the world. I like to think I know myself, but I’m sometimes a bit clueless on how I’m perceived.
I started noticing all my daily weekday rituals: wake up and do a NYT mini crossword, have my morning coffee (and tea break and evening coffee ☕️), eat a salad for lunch, take a nap (well, now that the semester is winding down and–ku hisa chaha), go on my evening walk, cook a quick dinner, write in my journal, do some abs, bathe, go to bed. Almost 10 activities, that I do in the same order and pretty much unwaveringly.
Another volunteer, new to the region, recently asked me if I had a lot of free time. Me, talking before I think (as usual), started replying no. Then I had to backtrack when I actually started thinking–I book myself into a lot of routine that takes away time for “free” things. But, yes, I do have a lot of free time. I just maybe structure it more than others.
I’ve said it before but I love living abroad, I love representing America, I love navigating through cultural nuances. To write it concisely, I love change. To write it more aptly, I love structured change. Meaning I jump at the chance to make big life changes, to have a new view from the back porch, to try a new flavor. But I cherish that can I expect to be somewhere long enough (1 year, 2 years) so I can settle in and be a creature of habit. To be able to walk into the bush or my backyard everyday and see the change: the leaves grow, the leaves fall, the birds come, the birds go. But to know this won’t last forever so I need to cherish the small things, the things I can do everyday here but might not be able to after my next big change, whether it’s because I have less time, less resources, less access to nature…
I create these micro environments of stability so I can better handle all of the unexpected things that will happen walking out my door. That’s a bit dramatic, but I find that the strangest things are the hardest for me to handle. And after a hard day, there’s nothing I crave more than my steaming cup of coffee, Will Shortz being punny, or scratching through my journal. Small consistency guides me through big change.
I’m also starting to realize this comfort with routine also impacts my relationships. I’m not truly busy often–I can usually readjust my daily habits–but it often feels like I have a date with my journal that I can’t stand up or a recipe is calling that I have to answer. I’m around people all day at school, and living with someone means it’s hard to get away. I’ve learned I need a lot of time to be selfish and be purely alone with my thoughts. And that’s ok to take that time, but I can also alter my routine and my rituals. It would be easy to take 10 minutes everyday and greet the meme selling matumbulwa (fat cakes), or stop by Luinzi’s lapa (courtyard) en route home from my evening walk. I can make the time and energy for this, and it’s something that always makes me regenerated after. It’s my introversion and fear of imposing that sometimes holds me back from fostering my relationships here (and continuing those back home–phone calls aren’t in my “daily” routine either).
I’m not really one for New Year’s Resolutions; if I want to change something I should do it now, and not wait for an obscure date on a calendar. Since this want for change is coming around New Year’s though, there’s no contradiction. And I do want to be intentional in my routine and my time, especially since I only have 9 months left in Namibia. That’s going to fly by! So I hope to make a habit of connecting with people daily–those here physically around me and those back home. If I can do it, I think I can truly leave Namibia with few regrets.
**I currently have 5 draft blog posts just sitting… I’ve been so behind since November! And now I’m having more issues with technology. No pictures want to upload at all. I’m planning to spend a day in town in one of the coming weekends to figure it out. I have so many “tabs” to add: Thanksgiving, Zanzibar, Peace Corps reflections, going HOME, birds (yes birds)… Stay tuned for these to be added in quick succession!